Gravity
by Kasmi Kassim
Summary: Captain America is always leaving people behind. He's used to it. What he isn't prepared for is how people leave HIM behind. And by people, he means Tony.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer** : Nothing is mine, save the plot.

 **Rating** : PG 13 for language.

 **Summary** : Captain America is always leaving people behind. He's used to it. What he isn't prepared for is how people leave HIM behind. And by people, he means Tony.

 **Author's Note** : I wrote this before the Civil War movie came out, and I really did not like where the movie went with the character portrayals, and since canon is so divergent with itself anyway I said screw it and decided to stick to my vision of things following Joss Whedon's Avengers 2 mixed in with a bit of the comics. Read at your own peril!

,

 **By Kasmi Kassim**

,

,

 **Gravity**

,

,

 **Part 1**

,

,

Captain America is always leaving people behind. He's used to it. Moping won't bring Peggy back, so what's the point? He's made new friends, maybe a new life, and tries not to mope too much about love. It's not so bad.

What he isn't prepared for is how people leave HIM behind.

Clint is the first to retire. It comes after his little hiatus, which no one really questions, but then Natasha whispers to them that his wife has packed up and left, moved back in with her parents. Took the kids with them. Steve looks worriedly at Natasha, but is surprised to hear that Tony is taking care of it. He sees the two talking one day, Tony in a sharp business suit and half his face behind a pair of sunglasses, and Clint fingering his bow, pretending not to listen.

The next day, Clint comes to SHIELD – or rather, the temporary agency that Fury is running as an "honorary" leader – and resigns.

Fury gives him a stink-eye that can best be described as his most heartfelt, and Steve pulls him into a hug. Natasha exchanges a long look with him, and Tony bumps fists as if he hadn't used his painful experience with Pepper to help him make a life-changing decision.

Natasha's retirement is sudden, but unsurprising. Tony claims that he thought she would be a cyborg forever, but they all know that his barbs don't quite reach his eyes when he calls her cold-blooded, just as Natasha's voice holds no sting when she curses him in Latin.

They drop off the radar, Nathasha and Bruce, and Tony complains loudly about it, but gives them a home and a sumptuous dinner when they show up at his door for Thanksgiving. He stuffs Bruce's pockets full of high-tech gadgets, cloaking devices. Bruce almost chokes, and holds onto Tony's hand like a lifeline, and Tony lets him hold on as long as he needs to. Natasha touches his arm and gives a smile that is as tender as it is knowing, and he hands her a keycard and shoos them away both, while Steve stands at the porch waving.

Tony doesn't retire. Rather than to let other parts of life pull him gently away from the Avengers business, he lets the other facets of life glance off of him while he soars red and gold. Steve realizes only too late how he has selfishly accepted this as normal. Because this is his life, yes, but not Tony's. Tony has a life outside of fighting, always has, and deserves to. His life has always been ten times the speed and glamor of any other person's, but he throws it down to come flying with Steve and give him backup and fix his armor. Steve is jarred by this realization when he walks in one day to hear Rhodes shouting in the workshop.

"You can't let this die with you!" He is saying. "This is your legacy, Tony! No one has this technology except you, and it's trapped inside your head. Either you share, or you hand it over!"

"That's what Obie said," Tony says, quiet, and Steve stills just outside the door, the tray of coffee mugs in his hands. "That I owe this to the world."

"Damn well you do, since you don't even have the decency to leave your DNA behind." Rhodes huffs. "Though I don't know if that's a blessing or a curse."

Tony just smiles, waves as Rhodes walks away, and Steve appears only after the coast is clear.

Tony looks at him with a cheerful "Hey Cap!" and turns away, and Steve knows a brittle smile when he sees one. He sets the coffee down, and waits for Tony to approach with averted eyes, looking busy.

"You don't owe anyone shit," Steve says quietly. "Anyone who disagrees can get their asses off your power grid and turn in their Stark technology and go fuck themselves."

Tony's laugh is surprised, genuine, and a little bit broken. Steve watches, arms crossed, like he's guarding the workshop from the world.

Steve doesn't dislike Rhodes, not at all, but at that moment, he dislikes him very much. Rhodes is a military man, more so than Steve; he follows orders, and when its' between that and Tony, well, he just left Tony smiling heartbroken, didn't he?

They can part for all he cares. Tony has moved on, his life is different, and if his old friends can't deal with that, well, he's always got his Avengers, and he has Steve. Steve wouldn't turn on him for orders from anyone. He would keep his eyes open to all that Tony has done, and is continuing to do, stretched thin as he is. And if the Avengers all leave him eventually, all retire into homes and family and all that, he would be all right, as long as Tony is by his side. Encased in metal, flying with the power of his sheer genius, surely Tony has a long way to go until he needs to get off the field. And the thought relieves him, helps him hold on, despite the guilt that follows.

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It gets harder when Peggy passes away.

He had been prepared for it, really, telling himself that he would need to let go, and he would do it happily. She lived a full life. The family wouldn't mind him showing up sometimes at the grave – he hopes there would be a grave. But it comes unexpected. He is out on a mission when it happens.

"I thought you might want to know," Sam says into his earpiece, and he can't hear the thud of the falling monster, or the repulsors that come to turn off behind him. He stands in the dusty field that was once a stadium, and vaguely stares as Iron Man wave his hands in front of his face.

"Come on, Cap." Iron Man holds out an arm.

Steve latches on, grateful, and the boost of the repulsors shakes him. Tony doesn't speak.

When they are back at SHIELD, Tony takes to debriefing on his behalf, allowing Steve to get away as soon as he checks in. But he doesn't get the chance, because Fury blocks him on the way out.

"Get out of the way."

"You need to be quarantined."

"I need to get to a hospital."

"You got poison all over your armor!"

"I swear to god, Nick-"

"You think her family needs to see you right now?"

It's like a punch to the gut. And he knows Fury's right.

Hours later, he's sitting alone in a prison cell they call quarantine room, staring down at the floor. He's in thin cotton, his battle gear being analyzed in another lab, and there are cameras on the wall, and a glass window that he can't see through.

The door opens, and Tony steps in, shrieks of alarms ignored, and snaps the door shut.

"Jesus Christ," he breathes, and strides over, looking so sure, even though Steve knows he just looks sure by default even if he has no idea what he's doing – he hopes Tony does know what he's doing, because Steve sure doesn't.

He stares numbly as Tony stands an arm's length away from him. He doesn't ask if he's okay, and he's grateful for it. Tony gestures toward the glass. "I turned off the cameras and activated the soundproofing. No one can see you or hear you for the next thirty minutes." He reaches out and clasps Steve's arm. His eyes are deep, and Steve is suddenly terrifyingly lost in them, and he can't breathe. "Okay?" Tony says, gentle, and Steve nods mutely. Tony steps away, goes to the door, and gives him one last glance. Steve wishes he could say something, anything, but he can't. And Tony sees it, because he doesn't leave. "I can stay, or I can leave. Whichever you want."

Steve doesn't know what to want. "I'm okay." He swallows. "You can go."

Tony slowly pulls the doorknob, and Steve blurts, "wait," and Tony stills. Steve doesn't want to be left alone, but the thought of asking Tony to stay hits him with heavy panic.

At least he's okay for now. Right now is okay. With Tony in the room. He decides to extend the present situation. "Just," he blurts, suddenly exhausted, "stay like this. For a second."

Tony turns and walks back to him, slow, and his eyes never leave his. They're so bright and dark, and Steve feels naked and vulnerable and wants to lean in and let Tony take care of him. The thought blares sirens in his head, and he watches with dread and longing as Tony gets closer. This is a horrible idea. Tony is going to witness every humiliating weakness that's written all over his face, and – and – well, he won't do anything about it, because he's Tony, and Tony is the kindest motherfucker he knows.

When Tony clasps his arm again, looking into his eyes, Steve chokes, and Tony whispers, "breathe."

And Steve hangs his head, his shoulders rising and falling with shuddering breaths, and it's okay, because he's tired, and he deserves to be tired, and no one can see him. This is the quickest and kindest and smartest gift he could have asked for, and again it's Tony that delivers. Tony that stands there, touching his arm, letting him decide what to do. And Steve breathes in, breathes out, breathes in, breathes out, and his body feels wobbly, so he clutches the air, and Tony's other hand is already catching him, his grip startlingly strong. It gives him permission to hold onto him while he falls, and falls, and if his voice tears out of his throat like an animal, well, it's muffled into Tony's shoulder, so it's okay.

,

,

"Iron Man! On your six!"

Iron Man doesn't turn, or move at all. He stands still, and Steve throws his shield at him, narrowly missing him and hitting the creature that was sliming its way up to him. "Iron Man!"

"Aye, aye, Captain."

Iron Man then takes off, rejoining the fray as if nothing had happened.

Nick is not happy during debrief. Tony shrugs. "The sky was pretty?"

Steve nudges him back against the wall when Tony makes to leave. "What is it, Tony?" his voice drops. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Tony."

"Give it a rest, Cap, I was just tired."

Steve stares, searching for the truth, and Tony rolls his eyes, thumps his head back against the wall, and stays there, staring at the ceiling. Steve finally steps back and lets him go, feeling strangely betrayed.

It happens again, more urgent, more desperate. This time it's Sam's life that's in danger, and Tony doesn't fire up the repulsors to catch him. He just stands there, watches him fall from the sky. And at the last minute, when Steve feels like his legs are giving out under him, his lungs bursting from the hopeless sprint, Tony finally streaks across the sky like a shooting star.

"You motherfucker!" Sam half-whoops, and Tony chuckles.

"I got you, bird boy. Just don't play with the grownups next time."

"Screw you, Stark."

"Language."

Sam doesn't seem to mind, but Steve does. He charges into Tony when he's about to leave after the debriefing. "What was that about?"

Tony raises an eyebrow. "Can't let the flying man have some fun?"

"That was dangerous!"

"I know, Cap." Tony smirks. "Just like it's dangerous to go flailing about with creaky metal wings."

"What is wrong with you?" Steve explodes. "I want the truth, Stark, this isn't a game-" his voice trails off as he realizes that Tony is watching him without a change in expression. No answers, no hardening lines on his face. Just…watching.

Finally, Tony looks to the side, and Steve braces for the snide remark, is ready for it, but it doesn't come. Tony just turns and walks away.

An hour later, the medics grab him in the halls in panic. "His heart stopped," one of them says, covering her face with a groan. "He barely crawled out alive."

Steve's vision grows narrow. He stumbles out of the ward, heads out into the cool morning mist of downtown New York. The dazed fog clears his mind, condenses into a ball of seething fury. He runs all the way to the tower as the sun rises above the morning mist.

Tony is in his workshop, taking off his gauntlet, when Steve storms in. "Why didn't you tell me?" he shouts, and Tony looks at him again, and he looks so defeated that Steve wants to scream, shake him, anything to get that fight back in his eyes. "Why did you just stand there and take, my," he breathes, and doesn't know how to continue. "Why didn't you say something?"

"What, next time I'll be needing a permission slip too?" Tony sits up from the chair he was sinking into, and holds Steve's gaze for a terrible second. "I don't report to you, Rogers." He tosses the gauntlet onto his workbench and walks to the door. "I'm done here. Friday, finish the repairs by tonight. You know your way out, Captain." He doesn't look back.

Steve stands alone, feeling sick. Tony is right. He doesn't owe Steve any justification. Steve doesn't get to go through his reasons and decide which ones are permissible and which aren't. He should have checked himself, should have asked. He can't ask Tony to be accountable for his own temper. The knowledge that he has wronged Tony feels like a kick in the chest.

He spends the night seated on Tony's couch. Tony doesn't come back.

,

,

Bruce surfaces in the tower. Natasha is somewhere, he says evasively, and says he'll only be staying until she comes for him. Steve looks at him steadily, and Bruce evades his gaze.

Tony doesn't give him the look. He doesn't even seem to wonder. He moves, arms thrown forward, pulling him into a hug that smoothly transitions to him dragging Bruce around the renovated tower, pouring vocabulary and ideas on him that only Bruce understands, and pushes him into his old lab and rooms and instructs Friday to take care of him. Bruce's shoulders sag and he breathes slowly out with a tentative smile, and Steve wonders how Tony manages to do that without seeming to care at all.

,

,

Pepper leaves more and more. People, among other things, seem to peel away from Tony's life like pieces of the armor, leaving him bare as he brims with the smell of winds and sizzle of smoke.

He hears Tony and Pepper arguing for the fourth time that week, and it sounds more like a screaming match than an argument. "It's always them first," Pepper is shouting. "I'm always second to you! I'm always your PA!"

Tony's hushed voice placates her, soothing her panting. Steve turns away, pretends not to see as Tony ushers Pepper out, whispering about the Maldives and the beach. The next day, Tony Stark is all over the news. He is engaged.

Steve braces himself for Tony's resignation. They can still meet and be friends outside of Avenger business, after all. As a friend, he makes an effort to visit Tony more often, especially since all the Avengers have now left the tower except Bruce. Tony welcomes him every time he shows up unannounced. They grab lunch, Tony tests tensile strength with Steve, they spar and laugh on the mat, sweaty and winded.

One day he walks in on Tony in his workshop when he's hooked up to some sort of wiring system. He gapes, wondering if it's another Ultron fiasco at work, and when their eyes meet, Tony doesn't explain. He stares back, defiant, and Steve's heart hardens with dread. He approaches like a fighter, and Tony's body language answers in kind. Steve stands in front of Tony. "What is this?"

"Nothing you need to know about."

Steve's eyes sweep over the wires surrounding Tony, connecting into Tony's veins. "Can't let a friend in on a secret?"

"Nope." Tony briskly starts pulling the wires out of his flesh, and Steve grabs his arm. He picks up clean cotton pads from the metal tray to the side, wipes each spot methodically to minimize risk of infection, and all the while cannot believe that his team has a man that flies around in a metal cage that doesn't even know – or care – to clean his wounds properly. He kneels by Tony's reclining bench for a better look.

"Do you remember Ultron?" he doesn't look up.

Tony flexes his hand. "Sure."

"Wanda told me that you wouldn't take care of it."

"Huh."

"Do you know what I said to that?"

Tony doesn't answer. Steve wipes away the last of the blood. "I said she doesn't know what she's talking about." And maybe slipped his first name to the crazy mind control girl while defending him, because Tony might be an idiot, but he was Steve's idiot, and no one else got to call him crazy.

"Yup, that's – okay. Yeah." Tony pulls his arm out of Steve's grip, and Steve leans forward into Tony's personal space. Tony blinks at him.

"Because I trusted you."

Tony looks like a fish out of water, and Steve knows that he feels like one too. "I trust you. Can you answer me back in kind?"

The silence is long. Tony's coiled with tension, himself at war. Steve doesn't know whether to be sad or relieved that he can read him so well now, and resolves to take the war out of his hands because for Tony, he will be the bad guy. He looks up at the ceiling. "Friday?"

"Yes, Captain."

"What's Tony doing?"

"I'm right here, you know." Tony sits up, bolt quick.

"Testing his heart, sir. There has-"

"Mute."

Steve turns a stunned gaze on Tony, and Tony's posture hardens. Steve waits.

Finally, Tony slumps. Steve knows surrender when he sees it, and isn't glad in the slightest.

"I can't fix it," Tony says, weary, and Steve feels unanchored.

"I thought you went through surgery?"

"Yeah, Cap, it's a heart that's been through a lot. It's older than a lot of hearts."

And it hits him, this hammer of mortality, and Steve is left dazed and sinking. "How long has this been going on?"

Tony's fingers hover over his keyboard. "Since the surgery."

The horror morphs into realization. "You should have left it in," he whispers, a lingering question.

Tony shakes his head. "It's done. Anyway, I don't look like a flashlight anymore." He tries to smile, but sees Steve's expression, and gives up. "It's fine."

Steve yields at last because he doesn't know what else to do. He has to trust Tony again. And truth be told, there is no other option.

Steve wants nothing more than to hate Pepper that very moment. He knows how Pepper used to eye that arc reactor, how she used to push away the Iron Man suits. How she would leave Tony shaking and sweating in bed, reliving New York all over again, because she couldn't deal with having to see his Iron Man suit in the bedroom. Couldn't see past the suit to find the man that needed her most. And instead of her coming to soothe him, he went to save her, he threw his arc reactor away, he blew up his Iron Man suits, he erased the scars that made him what he is today. Steve cannot understand how Pepper can have so little regard for what has protected Tony from Loki's brainwashing, the terrible mark of hope that pulled him out of the darkest caves. Tony calls it a brand, a reminder of the blood on his hands, and Pepper sees it as a horrible disfigurement, a proof of his torture and suffering. But Steve sees in it a start of an incredible journey, the death of one man and his rebirth, as he rose above the ashes of his own wrongs and moved heaven and earth to save the world and the woman he loved, even if they both turned their backs on him. Steve can't understand why anyone would be less than awed by that blue beacon of Tony's heart.

He wishes the arc reactor back. And if he can't have that, he hopes, somewhat viciously, that Pepper makes Tony happy with everything she's got. Maybe he hopes it because he knows it won't happen, and he can't bring himself to feel very guilty about it.

,

,

Steve begins to visit more often. Tony always welcomes him with a surprised smile, and Steve smiles back, wondering how he or anyone else could have thought Tony Stark heartless or selfish, when he welcomes a man who just takes and takes from him with such endless generosity.

Tony begins to end their sparring sessions quicker. Steve pushes him; he wants him to be able to take it, he needs to see that Tony can laugh and hit back and call him a jerk. At first Tony seems to be up for it. But one day, Steve throws him a little too hard, and Tony lies there on the mat, gasping at the ceiling. His face grows sickly white and sweat beads down his face, and Steve is bent over him, clutching at his shirt, screaming for JARVIS, FRIDAY, anyone.

The in-house medics arrive only after Tony has regained his breath and started cracking feeble jokes, and Steve sits back white and trembling once Tony is ushered away to the medical facilities downstairs. He doesn't move until Natasha materializes and puts a hand on his shoulder.

"What's wrong with him?" He wants to lean into her touch and weep with relief. He feels like he's finally found a comrade, one of the few people that understand Tony Stark, don't demand things from him in return.

"He's got a damaged heart. It's bound to give out sooner than most people."

He wants to shout at her, to push the cruel truth of her words back into the depths of ignorance. He wants to shout where she has been. Why she hadn't been there for Tony, when he needed her, just as he had needed Pepper, Rhodes, Bruce, Clint.

Instead he stumbles to his feet, stares at Natasha, and asks her for a spar. She obliges, and they don't separate until they are both panting and slumped hours later in the dark hours of the night.

,

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 **To Be Continued**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer** : Nothing is mine, save the plot.

 **Rating** : PG 13 for language.

 **Summary** : Captain America is always leaving people behind. He's used to it. What he isn't prepared for is how people leave HIM behind. And by people, he means Tony.

 **Author's Note** : I wrote this before the Civil War movie came out, and I really did not like where the movie went with the character portrayals, and since canon is so divergent with itself anyway I said screw it and decided to stick to my vision of things following Joss Whedon's Avengers 2 mixed in with a bit of the comics. Read at your own peril!

,

 **By Kasmi Kassim**

,

,

 **Gravity**

,

,

,

 **Part 2**

,

,

Tony refuses to let Steve mention the heart problem in their Avengers planning. Steve respects that, swallows the worry that Tony vehemently pushes away. Then one day, Tony is dropping from the sky, and Steve is watching – he is always watching – and Tony doesn't fire up in time. He hits the building, bounces, bounces again, and Wanda is shouting into the comm link, and Sam is already running in his direction, but it's too far. Steve watches in mute horror as the armor is about to hit the ground, and the repulsors fire back on. "FRIDAY took a hit," he growls, and that's the end of that.

Steve can't question it. And if Tony locks himself in his workshop after each fight and doesn't let anyone in because he needs to focus on fixing his armor, well, what can he say?

But it become increasingly frequent. Tony misses a beat and swings a shallow punch during sparring. Almost gets buried in a building coming down. Goes offline for a full four minutes, while FRIDAY is online and refuses to tell them what's going on. And Steve wants to scream.

"Tell me what's going on." He barges into the workshop after one such battle and uses his override code to get FRIDAY out of the way. Tony is sitting inside one of his vintage cars, staring into space. A part of him is relieved, but this looks wrong altogether too. His body is limp, but the sparkle in his eyes is as bright as ever and Steve's chest hurts.

He holds out a hand and grabs tight as Tony crawls out of the car. He stumbles, leans heavily like a rag, and Steve wraps his arms around him, warmth blooming from his gut like a lotus. He can't figure it out, this sudden tenderness that is so frail and encompassing, and he wants to cry and shout at the same time and grab and shake Tony, so he stands in a daze as Tony sits heavily at his workstation.

"What's going on, Tony?"

"Just getting old, Cap."

Steve looks at him then. Tony has gray hairs. The lines around his eyes are more pronounced, and they're not only laugh lines anymore. He looks tired. He thinks back to the missions they've been on together, him fixing the shield, upgrading arrows, running his company, wooing Pepper.

"I leave my technology behind," Tony says, "so don't you start on how I owe humanity my genes too."

Steve shakes his head. This is still wrong. He doesn't seem to be retiring into happiness. There is such finality to it that he can't accept it.

"The suit goes with me," Tony is saying. "I don't trust anyone else to use it for anything other than weapons of mass destruction. It was my oversized pacemaker anyway, so no one really needs it. All the technology for that is already in the people's hands. Green energy."

Then Steve realizes why it all feels so wrong. He grasps Tony's arm without thinking, and Tony stops talking.

"Tony," Steve says, desperate, "don't say that. Don't say that."

He's still young, he's still – not old, at least, he's got at least a few more decades. He's talking as if he were going to die tomorrow. He watches Tony's mouth, praying it won't spit out words like "futurist" or "realistic" or any of that nonsense that makes his chest hurt. Tony looks at him in understanding and says nothing, and Steve is so grateful, and then guilty because it's Tony who is hurting and tired and he's the one offering this comfort to Steve.

That's when Steve decides that he will give something back to Tony. Something tangible instead of just being there as a friend with a shoulder to lean on when Tony's stumbling. Something real, like the home and a place to belong that Tony has given him.

He will find Tony Stark a new heart.

He tells Nick Fury not to call him anymore. He's busy. Fury gives him a stink-eye but lets it pass when Steve mentions doctors. Fury even slips something like a hint regarding the unbound mysteries of "magic and such shit". Steve pretends not to hear, but leaves Jane Foster a detailed message and packs as Sam watches him with a loaded kind of look that he doesn't want to get into.

"You'll be fine without me," he says, and Sam shrugs.

"Sure," he says. "But you know, this temporary SHIELD thing isn't gonna hold out forever."

Steve hears it. Fury had been approaching him with the same issue. He had refused.

"Take care of the team," he says. Then he goes to visit Helen Cho.

"Tony's already asked me," she says apologetically. "His body is already full of toxic remnants of Iron Man. Even regenerated tissue won't work."

Steve walks out of her lab feeling as if the ground had dropped beneath him. If Tony had already been here, he's already been searching. And failing.

He would ask Bruce, but he knows that Tony wouldn't like Bruce to know. He is protective of Bruce that way. Besides, he assumes Tony had already done his part in fishing for answers anyway. No point there.

So his search continues, all over the globe, and Tony calls one day to complain about how he's never home. "You leave me all by my lonesome to watch movies by myself."

"Surrounded by what, ten robots?" Steve slings a duffel bag over his shoulder and leaves the motel.

"They're not robots, they're robotic extensions of my ego."

"I love how you're so honest about your ego, Tony. What about the rest of the new Avengers?"

"They don't count, they have lives of their own and they're too young to be buddies with me."

"Tony, I'm way younger than you."

"Please, Grandpa. You're my dad's friend, and you were older than him too, so what makes you what, my godfather? Man, you'd better be glad I'm a guy, because if I were a girl our friendship would be creepy as hell."

Steve decides to ignore most of that monologue. "What, so I don't have a life of my own?"

"Captain, your life involves protecting America at all times, and that includes protecting it from the wrath of Tony Stark when he gets bored and decides to unleash godly technology upon the world." He pauses. "Also, Natasha's feet are cold."

Steve loads up his bike. "Good to know I'm good for something, Tony."

"You should be honored. Not many people get to snuggle with Tony Stark for a movie."

Steve is sure that is true. He does appreciate it, for some weird reason. He knows that aside from Pepper and Rhodey, he is the only one to whom Tony acts like a petulant child.

"What are you doing out there, anyway? Touring the motherland?"

"The world, actually."

"And that had to be done on your bike over the course of what, five months now? You couldn't just ask me for a jet?"

Steve revs up the engine, and raises his voice accordingly. "I think it's more about the journey than the destination, Tony, but thanks for the offer."

"Whatever. Anytime, Sexypie."

Steve rolls his eyes. He supposes it's better than being called Honeybear, like Rhodes, and smiles in exasperation at himself. Still, he sets off with a bounce toward the next town in search of rumors regarding a magical doctor.

,

,

Bruce calls him. "I think you should come back."

"Elaborate." Steve pulls over and shuts off his engine in the middle of the empty highway.

"Tony had an argument with Pepper, I think. But he – I think he needs you."

Steve catches an airplane back.

The house is empty when he gets there. Natasha has likely beaten a safe retreat, and Bruce leaves as soon as he greets Steve with relief in his pinched face. Steve's heart tumbles to know that Bruce is leaving this to Steve, that his kindness is apparently not what Tony needs. Whatever Steve has with Tony is closer to battle, but if that's what does it for Tony, he'll do it. Tony never liked being coddled anyway. Steve is glad he's alone to do this with Tony, whatever this is, and he's also angry that Tony is alone. That everyone has left him alone.

"Leave me alone, Rogers," Tony's drunk voice calls from beyond the workshop before he even reaches it. Steve punches in the override code and steps in.

"What are you doing?" he doesn't wait for an answer. He marches over to Tony and takes the bottle out of his hand.

Tony looks up from his slouch at the workbench. "Ah, Capsicle joins this century at last."

He hadn't called him that for a long time. Steve wonders how drunk he is. "Tony." He looks around. "Do you have water down here?"

"No, Captain." FRIDAY is prim.

"What's the use?" Tony picks up another bottle, opens it smoothly. "It's all going down the drain either way."

Steve hates everything about that sentence. He snatches the new bottle from Tony's hand. "How long has he been here?" He says, and FRIDAY answers, "three days," and he moves in to grab Tony's waist.

"Get up, wash up, drink some water, go to bed." He is surprised when Tony suddenly pulls away, plunks himself back down, and stares at him.

"How did you like Alabama?" Tony slurs.

"What?"

"Was it Wisconsin? I don't know. I don't track you. Did you like Kentucky's fried chicken?" he snickers. "Strung along any hot ladies on the way?"

"Tony."

"Sharon looks positively devastated, you know, everyone knows about her crush. Least you could do was turn her down. Were you too busy being All-American and helping old ladies cross the street, or planting apple seeds all over the country-"

"Don't be ridiculous." Steve reaches down again. "Get up."

"Maybe if you told her that Tony Stark comes along as a bonus package, you know, I can strut pretty on a stage with a flower made of dollar bills-"

"Tony, just shut up and help me out here-"

"-but you're not into that, right, you're more like, romance a girl for a month and propose with a diamond ring, get a dog and four kids in a white picket fence-"

"Tony, for god's sake-"

"Where have you been?" Tony shouts.

Steve starts. Tony springs up, eyes bright. "Five goddamn months, Rogers! In god knows where! You couldn't even bother to check in for help? I could have been there – you could have– you drop off the radar and now you show up when I'm in a shitshow?"

Steve blinks slowly. "I don't – I don't need money from you." That's not what I want from you, like those other people, he wants to say, but.

"Yeah, you wouldn't accept a dirty penny from me. Believe me, Rogers, I know." Tony turns away, sharp and taut. "Get out."

Steve doesn't understand. He begins to argue, try to rile answers out of him, but clenches his jaw. He's not doing a Tony and Pepper show. "Okay, Tony," he says evenly, and turns. "I'm here if you want to talk."

He waits for Tony all night in his room, hoping and knowing that it's in vain. He turns on the TV to drown out the silence and is greeted with breaking news that Tony Stark's fiancée, the CEO of SI, has called off her engagement.

"Did you record our..?" he asks at the ceiling.

"Commencing Replay."

Steve curls stiffly in his bed, cold dread and hot agony, and spends the rest of dawn replaying the video clip of their exchange over and over again until he hears the unspoken lines in between.

He also wasn't there when Tony needed him.

,

,

Steve doesn't go back out on the road. Instead he requests an interview with the CEO of Stark Industries. Pepper empties an entire afternoon and sips tea while he recites his monologue.

"I must say, I'm surprised to find you defending him," she says at last. "I thought you didn't like him."

"We don't have to agree on everything to be friends, Miss Potts." He looks at her meaningfully.

She stirs her tea without a sound. "But asking me to get back together with Tony?" She looks up. "Isn't that a bit…presumptuous of you, Captain?"

He fiddles with his hands under the table but squares his shoulders nonetheless. "He loves you very much, Miss Potts. He calls you the best thing to have happened to him, and the one good thing in his life, which he didn't deserve." He looks down at the untouched tea in his cup. "Miss Potts, I know his Avengers business is a big time drain and a safety risk. And as leader of the team, I apologize. I promise I will keep Tony out of it as much as possible – even if I have to order him to stand down. He shouldn't be required to give up his personal life for this."

Pepper laughs, surprised. "You don't know anything, do you?"

Steve waits. She doesn't elaborate. He tries again. "If he's being stubborn about it, I will talk to him. I can get him to listen."

"No." She smiles, bitter. "That's exactly it. I gave him an ultimatum. Said I'd marry him only if he cleaned up his superhero act for good. He couldn't do it."

Steve's mouth drops open. "If I can – I can try – Tony will-"

"No, Captain." Pepper shakes her head. "He chose you over me."

"That's not how that is." Steve feels lightheaded, and fights down the emotions that sentence brings. He and the Avengers have ruined Tony's one chance at happiness, and that is unacceptable. He had always wanted Tony by his side, but not like this. He has to set this right. "He loves you."

She averts her eyes, and a smile breaks open. "And I love him. Very much. Always." She sniffles, and looked at him again, sharp and businesslike. "But it wouldn't have worked out. We're both selfish people, Captain. That was okay when Tony was my boss, but when he was my boyfriend – I needed him to attend to my selfishness too. He tried, but he didn't know how, and I – I was too tired to have to teach him from scratch. There were too many years between us."

Steve doesn't understand. Tony is the least selfish person he knows. He murmurs his apologies, and leaves.

,

,

Steve is the one to lead the way when the movers come to get Pepper's things out of the tower. After they leave, he goes down to the workshop. It's dark and locked. He uses his override code to get in.

"That code is for emergencies, Captain." Tony is crouching against the wall in the dark, huddled in a corner.

"You idiot." Steve stands before him, hands on hips. "I am this close to telling Fury that you retired and banning you from coming back ever."

Tony smiles wearily up at him. "Wouldn't have worked."

Steve lowers himself next to him, back touching the wall. Tony doesn't look. Silence settles.

"Obie ripped out my arc reactor once," Tony says. "Made the shrapnel go to my heart. I had cardiac arrest." His fingers clutch an empty bottle. "I couldn't breathe. I thought: this is it. This is how I'm going to die. I was actually relieved. Yinsen-" he breathes. "Well. Then Obie he said he was going to kill Pepper, and I got up and fought," he breathes, ragged, "I fought for Pepper."

His hand slowly presses on his chest, hard. "I didn't know it could hurt so much."

Steve's hand curls around Tony's, takes it off his heart, brings it over and around Steve's shoulder, his other arm curling around Tony's waist. He turns, moves in deeper, and guides Tony to his chest. "It will be okay, Tony," he whispers, stroking his hair. "I promise."

Tony lets out a choking breath, bites into the fabric of Steve's shirt. Steve can feel his shuddering and it rips through his body like pains of yesterdays, because he knows this pain. It's worse than simply losing one's love; it's the pain of parting with love still simmering in one's hands. Because Tony knows, as a man in his forties knows, that life goes on, that new love will come, and that is the nail to the coffin over which he mourns. Dying with love clutched to your heart is one thing; bidding farewell to love while walking on is another.

He sits there all night until Tony falls into exhausted slumber, and carries him to bed.

,

,

Tony still goes on missions. Steve takes him aside one day and stares at him. Tony tilts his head. "Is this a good time to make a bad joke?"

"You need to stop going on missions."

Tony blinks at him. "Do you want me to?" he says at last, and Steve is thrown off.

"No." Steve pushes heavy hands on Tony's shoulders. "But you need to get your life back."

"If you haven't noticed, this has been my life for the like, the past decade-"

"Please retire, Tony."

Tony stops as if slapped. Steve hopes he understands how painful this is to say. He should have said this sooner. He should have convinced Tony to give up the Avengers business before Pepper could leave him. He feels responsible, and though he can't really bring himself to want them back together, he held something back that Tony had deserved to hear. He had failed Tony. "You deserve to be happy," he settles, and swallows.

"What's going on, Cap?" Tony's voice is low.

"It's not about your heart. It's just – Tony, you can't keep doing this."

"Wow." Tony whistles. "I never thought I'd overstay my welcome here."

"You know it's not like that."

"And here I thought I was being all grown up and not letting my emotions interfere, you know, even if I'm dying."

Steve feels punched in the gut. Tony looks away. "Sorry."

"Don't be. Tony. You're not. Oh god." He doesn't know what to do. He hugs him fiercely instead. "Promise me you'll retire as soon as you want to."

Tony pets his hair. "I promise. You big baby."

It's a lie, and he hates him for it. Because he falls out of the sky one day, mid-flight, and doesn't miraculously stop his fall at the very end. He just falls. His armor is crumpled into a heap. Wanda screams.

The medical bay tells him to bring his loved ones. His hands shake as he dials. Rhodes' voice message answers. He dials Pepper.

"Please take care of him," she whispers, voice breaking, and hangs up.

He looks around. The New Avengers are all looking at him. They part, like a river, and he squares his shoulders and marches to Tony's emergency ward. And as he sits holding Tony's cold hand, he spends every moment wanting to hate Pepper.

When at last Tony wakes up, he blinks up at Steve, and Steve gazes back defiantly. Tony smiles. "Hey, Capsicle," he whispers, hoarse, and Steve bows his head with a broken laugh.

,

,

Temporary SHIELD finally comes to him with the request to persuade Tony Stark to give up the secrets to the Iron Man technology. Hill is the messenger.

"Doesn't this seem unfair?"

"He'll listen to you."

"Exactly."

Hill raises an eyebrow at him, but Steve doesn't look back. He keeps punching the sandbag, over, and over, until she sighs over the noise. "Captain," she says, long-suffering, "If he doesn't want to listen to you, he won't."

He wants to laugh. He knows that Tony will listen to him, and he knows that if Tony asked, he would give up his shield. He doesn't care if Clint keeps calling to whistle about "bromance, yo". What they have is treasured, and he is not about to go abusing it. He refuses.

It's when they come to him for the third time that he finally gives them a second glance; this time it's Fury. "We need this for our safety, Cap," says Fury. "He owes this to the people."

"He owes them jack shit." He picks up a water bottle and starts drinking.

Fury watches, unmoved. "You know, you would think, seeing the way you react, that this is personal."

"I'm sorry, is this about me?" He turns to glare at Fury, who holds up his hands. Steve puts down the water bottle and starts rubbing his neck with a towel. "Take a no for an answer for once."

"This is bigger than just one man." Fury's voice rises. "This is more than just Tony Stark and his patented ego!"

"And who's gonna control that? You?" Steve's voice rises to match. "It's still one man that puts a lid on it, and keeps it from going to the bad guys. You want it for the masses? So we can have an Iron Man war on our hands?"

"We will have highly trained specialists-"

"He fought for you! He fought for all of us! He carried a nuclear bomb through a wormhole to outer space!" He is now shouting. "The least you can do is let him decide what he wants to do with his legacy!"

Silence stretches. Hill is already nowhere to be seen. Steve turns shakily away. "Good day, Nick." He begins to pack up his things.

Fury calls out from behind as he crosses the threshold. "You know you can't stop this, Cap. Sooner or later it's out of his hands. He can't control everything."

"Maybe he should."

It's when he's back at his place, prowling with pent-up anger, that he stops and thinks about what he said. Fury is right. Progress cannot be stopped. But if Tony can bend with it – if Steve can help him do that –

Hill calls him one last time, and this time she pleads with a soft voice. "Please, Steve. Just talk to him."

"If it's gonna happen no matter what, why should I take part in it?" he's bitter.

"We can't seize his property. The government already tried that. We just want him to cooperate with us. He'll listen to you."

He thinks of Rhodes, how he had turned his back and walked away from Tony. How Tony had stood there, a smile plastered on his face, as his eyes dimmed. How Tony had still greeted Rhodes with open arms after Rhodes testified against him at a hearing. How Tony had let him get away with stealing his suit, and let him keep it because he would be in an awkward position if he just took it back. Every time, his best friend had chosen to side against him, but Tony Stark never appealed to their friendship, never resented him for not siding with him. Tony never made his friend choose.

And god help Steve if he forced Tony into choosing.

"Tony's things are just byproducts of his brain. We need Tony, not his things." Steve grits his teeth. "If we do this, we do things my way. Is that clear?"

,

,

 ** _To Be Continued_**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer** : Nothing is mine, save the plot.

 **Rating** : PG 13 for language.

 **Summary** : Captain America is always leaving people behind. He's used to it. What he isn't prepared for is how people leave HIM behind. And by people, he means Tony.

 **Notes** : I love reviews and comments!

 **By Kasmi Kassim**

,

,

 **Gravity**

 ** _Part 3_**

Steve sticks around for a while this time. He visits Tony every day, eats with him and watches movies with him, reads while Tony designs things, both content in silence. One day he brings up what he had been hearing over and over for the past few months.

"So, about renewing SHIELD."

Tony groans. "Don't start, Rogers."

"You really don't trust them, do you?"

"Oh, hi, do you know me?" Tony turns and waves his hammer about. "You know how it turned out last time you trusted SHIELD. Or the time before that. Or the time before that." He turns back to the metal… thing he's working on. "You give people power, Cap, they're going to corrupt. It's the law of the land."

"What about you? You're not corrupt."

"That's because I'm just one man. A good king is much better than a bunch of stupid senators in a democracy. And, a corrupt democracy is way more dangerous because it's got the illusion of, you know, democracy."

"They want me to lead." Steve looks down at his hands. "They want to name me Commander of new SHIELD."

He looks up at the silence to see Tony staring at him. "And?"

"I don't know." Steve opens and closes his fists. "I don't – I know we argue on principle, but I understand what you're saying. I'm just one man. I can't keep a whole organization clean all on my own. But I also can't help thinking that I could do some good with that kind of power, if only I could control it."

"If." Tony mutters, looks away. "Idealist, Cap."

"Not really. Not anymore."

"Cynics are just scared idealists. Believe me, I would know."

"What about you, Tony?" Steve eyes Tony. "What would you do?"

"Uh, hello? Have you been listening to me all these months while I told you to stay away from Big Daddy?"

"What if there was something there to check the power?"

"So you need someone to check you?" Tony pauses. "Steve, I love you and all, but I'm the only guy I know who can bend your horn, because I'm the only guy who's happy to punch Captain America in the face. I don't think you'll listen to other people once you start going crazy."

Steve smiles. "You think I'll go crazy."

"Just being honest, Cap."

"That's what I love about you, Tony."

"Yeah, well." Tony looks away. "Anyway. About that new design I was talking about. Wanna talk over lunch?"

,

,

Steve stays for reasons he doesn't tell Tony, which are mainly that he's negotiating with Nick, going into shouting matches, watching and training his new young Avengers. Trying to divest them of their terrible vice ready to wrap around Tony Stark, dying of a broken heart.

It requires a lot of social busywork, and a lot of it is taken up by coworkers, namely someone by the name of Sharon. He's gotten over his initial distrust of her and built a working relationship, but it wasn't until their third lunch together that he realized that it might look like something more. It was only because Sam had whistled when he was bringing her back from lunch. And by then, they were regularly meeting for lunch, dinner, coffee.

Judging by the comments from other coworkers, they're apparently a couple now, so he picks her up for dinner, and supposes it's expected that he kiss her cheek on the doorstep. She tries to lean in, and he gently grasps her arms and pulls away. When she looks up in embarrassment, he smiles and strokes her cheek in reassurance, until she smiles again.

It stays that way, and it's perfect. He still has work to do, and he makes it clear that he's not looking to do the settling down and having a family thing. He had been telling Tony the truth, unsolicited and wholly, when he told him as much after the Ultron fiasco was over. When he had told Tony that he would miss him.

One day they're having lunch when an Avengers alarm comes in, and Sharon looks up at him as he jumps to his feet. "I can help," she says, and Steve is reminded how lucky he is to be with a woman who is in his line of work. Unlike Pepper, who can't deal with Tony's Avengers business, Sharon is a part of it. He flashes her a smile and they go their separate ways to fight. When they meet up again, he is tired, and smiles at her apologetically before heading home. She calls him the following week, and then he realizes while staring at the ringing phone that he should probably have called her first.

"Girlfriend?" Tony looks up from his workbench, and Steve gives him a quick nod as he rises from the couch and walks to the corner of the workshop to take the call. Tony turns down the music and Steve answers, "Hey, Sharon, sorry."

"Steve. I was worried." A pause. "Where are you?"

Behind him, Steve hears a screech of metal. "Tony's."

"Oh." She sounds out of sorts. "What are you up to? I was thinking dinner."

"Oh, right." He rakes his head with his hand. "I'm sorry, I already had a dinner thing planned, but tomorrow? I'll pick you up."

"A dinner thing planned? With Stark?"

"Yeah?" He stops pacing. "Everything okay?"

Sharon laughs a bit. "Sure. Okay, tomorrow."

But tomorrow doesn't happen, because every time he sits down with her, or tries to pick her up, something comes up. He begins to regret having caved to pressure. He really is too busy for this.

Sharon seems understanding, until one day he gets up during a lunch date due to an alarm. "Avengers?" she looks down at her alarm. "I'm not getting it."

"Oh, no, it's Tony." Steve gives her an apologetic look, speed-dialing Tony. "He hasn't been doing too well since his breakup."

"So you monitor…his health? Via a special alarm?" Sharon raises both of her eyebrows, and he is stuck for words, until Tony answers the phone with a raspy "Rogers, I swear to god, I have an AI for this."

"Yeah, well, follow your AI's health advice just once and then we'll talk." Steve steps away from Sharon with another apologetic look. She watches with an unreadable face, and he turns away to focus on asking Tony if he'd been drinking any water.

When he comes back to the cafe, the sun has moved onto Sharon's hair, and she still hasn't touched her food. Steve sighs as he sits down. "I'm so sorry. Can we reschedule? Tony just had an emergency. How does tomorrow sound? I know you were interested in that opera-"

"Doesn't he have someone for that?" she interrupts.

Steve thinks of Pepper's empty room. "Actually, he doesn't."

"So it's your job to take care of him?"

"He's my friend," Steve answers, surprised. He hadn't taken Sharon for a callous woman.

She sighs, rubs her eyes. "Steve, I just – I can't do this."

"What?" He stills.

"I don't want to be that person." She squints up at the sky. "But I'm tired of competing for your attention. I don't even know if I'm dating you, or if Tony's dating you, or if I'm dating Tony."

"What? That's ridiculous." Steve reaches across the table and holds her hands. "Sharon, look, I'll make it up to you. I'm just worried about a friend who's going through a rough patch, okay? It'll pass."

But it doesn't, because Tony never really gets better. And the thing is, he doesn't ask Steve to show up, or even do anything that requires his presence. Just forgetting to sleep, drinking too much alcohol and too much coffee, drinking too little water, the usual. And Steve keeps hovering, wishing Tony would just get better, until he realizes that that's just how he is. This is normal Tony behavior. It isn't a rough patch. And Steve wants to take care of him regardless.

Sharon gives him a week to think about it.

He wants to tell her that he doesn't need a week, but she deserves this at least, so he starts to think about it anyway. It would be insincere to announce that he's choosing her if he doesn't ask himself the hard questions.

He thinks back to the whispers among the housewives, the man around the corner who was "depraved". The hushed reasons as to why he was found beaten to death behind a bar. The old man who never married, and scowled whenever someone asked why. The two women who lived together as housemates and never went to social functions. The ones that were abnormal. Disgusting. Mistakes in divine creation.

Ma had always told him that God had a special use for even a weak little thing like him, and he believed her. Except he corrected that, and became a lot more useful, proving that the initial package was a mistake, didn't he.

He used to wonder what else about him was a mistake.

Bucky used to try so hard to set him up with women, because he felt that someone who couldn't get his hands on a girl's skirt like himself was to be horribly pitied, and look at that, maybe he had always had a weak spot from brash playboys with rogue charms. He never had a problem with never having a girl, because really, it was kind of a relief, to not have to deal with women that towered over him and frowned apologetically for it. Men, he could handle. They towered over him anyway, and he could touch them, and though he never really felt the need to touch a woman, he was always tangled up with men in fights or hugs or otherwise. They were brothers. Except he couldn't look Bucky in the eye anymore one day, because he was his friend and it was just wrong to have these weird urges to touch him, and by god he was not depraved, he just wasn't.

So he turned then to Peggy, a woman with bright brown eyes, a laughing mouth and quick wit, and told himself that he loved her because it was her, not because she looked like someone else he knew all his life. It was fine, one day they would maybe touch, and his desires would be redirected to her instead of the men in his unit, or Bucky –

But then she's gone, and instead there's Tony Stark, with bright brown eyes and a laughing mouth, except that's not fair. Because Tony's different. Peggy and Bucky are sweet, warm, special, but Tony is blinding and bleeding sharp, he's magnificent and he can't even think about him that way. And he doesn't. Because he's not depraved.

Or rather, they have a different name for it now, or several names for different variations of it, but all the same, he's not that. He's – he is dating Sharon, he cares about her, because she's sweet and blunt and thoughtful and independent and she loves him. And it's like that with all the women he is with – he cares about them, maybe they're the one, but how does he know which one is the one? So many of them are special, warm, sweet. He doesn't know. Maybe he can just settle, and prove the whole destiny thing wrong. Besides, even a couple like Tony and Pepper broke up, so there's no way this whole soulmate thing can be true.

He does care about the women he dates. He just doesn't know if they're the one, and that's why he sleeps with them. Well, partially because it's expected, partially because it's pleasant, and partially because he wants to see if it really arouses in him the same lust – it's not depraved to lust anymore, it just means it's love, even between two men, right? – and if he can have the lust on top of the tenderness like he did with Bucky, then that means she's the one.

And Tony's just – he doesn't have that lust. Just desperate tenderness, neverending worry, and stupid levels of blind trust. Fond exasperation. They are soulmates, like brother soulmates, like best friend soulmates. And isn't that enough? Why do they always have to try to shove sex into everything? He can love Sharon and sleep with her, and he can love Tony like a brother or at least his other half or something like that. He can have them both. Can't he?

When they meet again in a week, Sharon looks at him expectantly, and Steve can't find the words. He doesn't know how to explain it all. Sharon smiles, defeated. She leaves him.

He lets her go, mopes for a few days, and decides that she probably wasn't the one, since it's nothing like Tony's devastation with Pepper. He asks FRIDAY to take good care of Tony, and leaves for the road again.

,

,

He comes back to New York without a sound a few weeks later, a frail thread of a hope stringing him together. He finds Tony in his workshop, tinkering away busily. He is pleased to see him sweaty and absorbed, and almost misses FRIDAY's voice.

"Welcome, Captain Rogers," FRIDAY intones, "please encourage him to eat. He has not eaten proper food since -"

"Mute."

Tony turns and pushes up his goggles. "Hey, Cap. When did you get back from your secret trip?"

"Just now." Steve carefully makes his way around the clutter on the floor. Tony's making something big. "Miss me?"

"Yup." Tony looks up at the ceiling. "FRIDAY, order food! The good captain is here!"

Steve stares. Did Tony just-

Tony seems to realize it too, because he looks at Steve with a flash of that golden armored smile. But it teeters, dangerous, and Steve's heart vaults and his stomach twists, and his body starts to shake.

Oh god. Sharon was right.

"Lunch? Come on, let's get you out of here for a bit." Steve pulls Tony, who sputters but lets him pull him around, and tries not to think of Sharon, Bucky, Peggy. "Depraved".

He can do this. Tony and he had found something beautiful and eternal, and he's going to honor it without tainting it. He's not going to lust after Tony. He's not.

But when – if – when – Tony Stark finds a new heart, Steve promises himself that he would make him promise not to get back with Pepper. He had blown up all his suits, all of his life's passion and work, and taken out the arc reactor that had been the start of it all, just to make sure Pepper didn't have to look at it anymore. To be normal for Pepper. He had shrunk himself down from his greatness for her, tried so hard to fit in her box, and she still left him. If he gets new heart, maybe Pepper will get back together with him, but Steve doesn't want to think about that. Who's to say she would stay?

,

,

The thread of hope tightens into something that is golden and red-caped. Steve stares at him, both of them standing amid a sweeping meadow in the middle of Arkansas.

"I don't like being called about."

"It's for our mutual best interest." Steve grits his teeth. "You need him alive."

The man is not impressed.

"He's going to go on protecting the world as we know it. You don't know how integral he is to this world because you haven't missed him yet."

"It is beyond medical knowledge. He's beyond saving."

"I know you can use magic," Steve hisses. "Fix it."

The man stares at him. The winds blow between them. Steve adds, "please."

The man wears a strange smile. "Captain," he says at last, golden threads playing from his fingertips. "This is not up to me."

"What do you mean?"

"I cannot create a new heart from scratch. I need one to work off of."

Steve frowns. The man's cape billows dramatically.

"It belongs to natural progression. To artificially fix that would require that I take away something artificial as well."

Steve suddenly realizes where this is going. "You can use my heart." The thought gives a dizzying sense of hope. "You can use my heart. It's enhanced."

"Don't you need that?" The man peers. "Will you die for him?"

In the heat of battle, yes, he would for anyone. But this is different. Steve hesitates. He wants this to last through battle, to go into quiet years of companionship, of banters and jokes and gray hairs. He wants to be there to share it. And he feels horribly selfish for wanting it.

"Yes," he says. Calmness washes over him once he hears himself say it. He smiles. "Yes."

The man watches him. "How peculiar," he says at last. "You think somehow that he will agree to this." He smiles at Steve's faltering expression. "Do you plan to kidnap him, tie him down?"

Steve stares at him suspiciously. The man laughs a little. "Didn't I say two hearts, Captain? This would cut your enhanced lifespan, and average out the both of you."

Steve almost wants to laugh. "That's great."

The man gives him a weird look. Steve smiles in return. He has already lived through outliving his peers. He knows exactly what it's like. He doesn't have to go through that again to find out whether he likes it. Outliving Tony isn't worth it. Fighting for the world for another decade isn't worth it.

"But what about the heart?" The man says. "You don't get his heart, Captain."

Steve stills. "That's fine," he says quietly.

"Truly?" The man circles him. "Do you not desire him? Do not lie to me, Captain. Even if you don't know it in your loins, you reach to him in your mind. You cling to him. This is why you want this, after all. You want to tie your foot to his so that you can both limp to the finish together."

Steve has no words to refute this claim. Instead he asks, "Will he not remember me?"

"His heart will be his to break, but you cannot broach it. Ever." He taps his chin. "And you cannot expect outside help either; the memory wipe will affect everyone that knows you."

"That… sounds unnessary."

The doctor waves his hand dismissively. "You want magic, prepare to pay a price."

Steve grits his teeth. "Fine. Will no one will remember me?"

"They will. But they will not have the context of your relationship." The doctor sighs. "It's a lot of work, knitting back together the missing pieces to make it make sense."

"Sorry?"

The doctor smiles humorlessly. "And what will happen if a healthy Tony Stark comes back to the world, and you are not allowed to be anything but a friend?"

He thinks back to the glitzy lights, the women at Tony's side. Surprisingly, he doesn't care. Anything to see that broad chest flexing as he curls his arms around women. Sure, they will be thrown back a few decades into the past, but – but. The thought hurts, but he knows in a heartbeat what he would choose.

"Do it."

The doctor raises his brows. "You're willing to give him up? Never come to him again?"

"I am."

"I have seen the way you orbit him," the doctor muses. "You gravitate toward him like a moon to a planet. You don't even realize. He doesn't realize. It's a force of nature. You can't fight it." He turns. "But do you know the thing about planets and moons? They never touch. Ever."

Steve shudders.

,

,

Steve finds Tony standing at his balcony, looking out into the sunset. It's not something most people would expect to find Tony Stark doing in his idle time. Steve joins him at the balcony, and Tony smiles back at him. "Another pit stop, Cap?"

"No, I'm done travelling." Steve leans over the railing next to Tony. "I'm staying."

Tony grips his wine glass, and Steve watches his face break into a smile that is awe-inspiring in its open joy. It makes him impossibly happy and warm. They stand next to each other in silence, and Tony hums.

"When we first met," Tony says, and sips his wine. "I really hated your guts."

Steve smiles. "I'm pretty sure I hated yours first."

"Yeah, that was pretty unfair." Tony twirls the glass in his hands. "I was a jerk to you, though."

"Hey." Steve reaches out and grasps his arm. "I picked the fight, remember? And I was wrong. You were a hero. You are." He shakes him a little. "What's this about? Don't start acting all weird on me now."

Tony looks down at the hand on his arm. "Barton asked me to godfather his latest kid."

"Why does he need different godfathers to all of his kids?"

"Can you imagine three little Captain America godchildren?" Tony smirks. "Clint's smart. One for me, one for you, one for Nat."

Steve lets go of Tony's arm. "Is this the cause for this celebration?" he looks pointedly at Tony's glass.

Tony laughs a little. "Yeah, I mean. What the hell, right? Pepper used to like it. Scotch and rum and whiskey and all that – it's all an alcoholic's drink, she said. Not that that ever stopped her from going for her vodka martinis." He chuckles again, looking out into the sky, and Steve's heart does a little flip to see his eyes twinkling with open stars. "When she was around, we'd have more wine and champagne. She's gone, but hey. Thought I'd tone down the alcoholic thing, try being classy for once."

Steve studies him, and holds out a hand. Tony looks down. Steve waves impatiently. "You're an alcoholic no matter what you drink, if you're doing it alone. Where's mine, chop chop Stark."

"Excuse me, I'm having a moment here with my sunset. You chop chop."

"You're an awful host."

"Says the guy that crashed my party."

"Yeah, the one-sided moment between you and your sunset."

"Oh, stop griping, Grandpa. Where's your girlfriend?"

Steve pauses. Tony is quick to see. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine." Steve leans over the railing. "I – she probably wanted to go steady. Exclusive. Committed. All that."

"And you…?"

"I told you before, Tony. I haven't changed." He looks at Tony, somehow needing to make it known. "Settling down, a white picket fence…that guy died under the ice."

Tony watches him awhile. "Not lonely, Cap?"

"I'm home." Steve smiles. "I'm okay. Working to make the world a better place – it's worth it. Not everything has to be about domestic life."

Tony makes a noise. "So you don't wanna put those super DNA cells to use? Make super babies?"

Steve squints at the setting sun. "Nah."

Tony is silent. Then, he holds out his glass. "Here, try this. You'll like it."

Steve takes the wine glass Tony hands over, and a full red explodes in his mouth. "I do like it," he says, and is glad of the little things. Tony's little smile. His eyes, not glittering hard with calculation. Open arms, bare feet. Him glowing orange from the sunset. The fact that Tony knew that Steve would like the wine, and probably chose wine that he would like, just in case he dropped by.

"It's a Chianti Classico," Tony says. "Riserva."

"I have no idea what that means."

"Tuscany's pride, Cap." Tony's arms hang loosely around the railing, and Steve appreciates the sight of loosened fingers.

"So which do you think?" Tony says. "You just haven't found the right person yet? Or just drained dry? Or just love your ideals more?"

"What about you, Tony?" Steve challenges. "I haven't seen you in the tabloids for a long time. Are you drained dry? Looking still? Or just love inventing and fixing things more?"

"Point." Tony laughs.

"Don't wanna donate your genius DNA?"

"And take over the world within three generations? I could do that, but you would regret suggesting it."

Steve turns to lean his back against the railing. "You really are a gift, Tony."

Tony looks away, his eyes flitting, as they do when he's hit with the full force of Steve's earnestness. "Yeah, well," he murmurs. "I don't know, sometimes."

Steve frowns, and thinks about it. He doesn't really know, either. He doesn't want to do what he had done with Peggy, not anymore – he does feel dried out, bone-deep, and yet he's home, comfortable, optimistic about continuing to fight for a future that seems all sorts of ungrateful and callous, because he has a family now. He has people that feel warm, whom he can return to when he's wet and tired and needs a place to lay down his head and pretend to get drunk. Why spend energy dishonoring Peggy's memory and trying to create a romance that's going to be more work than it's worth, when he has Tony's friendship warming him like simmering fire?

"There's a little winery in Tuscany," Tony says abruptly. "The one where I got this wine. I – I was thinking, maybe I'll go back sometime. After all of this is over."

He thinks of Tony desperately placating Pepper, taking her to Italy, Peru, Singapore. Tony slumped in his workshop in the dark, his face in his hands in front of a blaring TV. Tony, standing in the sunset, a sip of wine in his lips, considering revisiting a place that screamed of Pepper and pain, contemplating a life after death. Steve puts a hand on his arm, this time unthinking. "I'd love to go with you," he says quietly, "if you'd let me."

Tony looks down, for the longest time. "Sure." He drains his glass.

Steve watches Tony, thinks: I will make sure all this is over one day, and you'll come out alive.

The next day, he goes to Dr. Strange to seal the deal.

,

,

He hears about it from Friday.

He runs to the tower, cursing Tony all the while, and arrives to see the medics scolding him. Alive, then. His legs almost give out, but he swiftly crosses the threshold with a stern face. "You'd better hope you died in that stupid attempt, because I'm gonna kill you."

Tony smirks, breathless. "Eh, worth a try."

It hurts to hear. Steve leans down at where his chest is being held open with tubes and metal. "You're gonna be okay."

Tony's eyes flicker. "Did they call you? Am I a civilian asset?"

"Friday called me. Because I'm your friend." Steve watches Tony look away.

"I'm such a mess," Tony mutters. "I never wanted you to see this."

Steve sits on the chair, and gives a pointed look to the medics, who shuffle out. "I was a mess when you first met me," he says. "Remember, I insulted and picked a fight? I was just…frustrated, and lonely, and you were great for letting out steam."

"I always knew you were a bully at heart."

"And you gave me a home," Steve continues, ignoring Tony's mumbling. "And you made me life-saving equipment, and you welcomed me into this world and…you saved my life."

Tony closes his eyes. "Pepper's engaged."

Steve squeezes his shoulder. The beep of the monitors fills the silence of the room.

"Do you know why I've been gone so much, Tony?"

Tony looks up at the ceiling. "I don't know, doing hero stuff."

"I've been searching for a way to fix your heart."

Tony stills. "You can't fix it."

"I'm gonna try."

"You think I haven't?"

"Two's better than one."

"What gives you the right, Rogers?" Tony snarls, turning to face him. "I didn't need you to go climb ev'ry mountain to find me a heart. I needed you right here with me, when I needed you!"

"I'm sorry." Steve tightens his grip. "I know it's selfish."

Tony looks away. "I don't have long anyway."

The voice tastes of burnt-out hope. "Tony, I'm not giving up. The world needs you more than me."

Tony laughs a bit. "That's a lie."

"No, Tony, you know it's not." Steve carefully disentangles the wires sticking out of Tony's chest. "Do you remember just how many times your place got blown up? You got death threats? Kidnapped? Tortured?"

"I'm an easy target."

"I'm as visible as you, but they don't come after me." Steve keeps his eyes locked on Tony's, and shakes his head. "I'm an icon, but Captain Amerca is just that: an icon. Anyone can replace me. I'm just a soldier – a particularly strong one, but still just a soldier."

Tony opens his mouth to protest. Steve holds up his hand, and then gestures to the rest other room, where holograms surround them. "This? All this – this is you, Tony. You give people tangible things. You make their lives better. You lead us to the future."

"What more do you want, then?"

"I want you to be come with me to build a new SHIELD."

Tony's arms fall to his sides. "What?"

Steve leans forward. "You're right. Power corrupts, and I can't do this alone. But with you there, you there to tell me that I'm being an idiot, with you there to control all the genius – Tony, I need you to come balance me out. It's the only way I'll accept the position."

Tony leans back, a perfect dance. "I can't, Steve, you know that."

"I'm not asking you to do anything. You don't have to fight, or get your hands dirty. You don't have to keep building things. Just – be there. Stand with me." Steve clenches and unclenches his fists. "I need you with me. I can't stand alone against this. I can't."

Tony opens his mouth, closes it, and stares.

"Once we find a way to fix your heart," Steve says steadily, "I will accept the position. But only if you agree to come with me."

"What would I even do there?"

"I don't know. Be my handler or something?"

Tony snorts, a weak thing. Silence holds.

"Well," Tony smiles a little. "You did say it's more about the journey than the destination, right?"

Steve swallows, grasps his hand. "But I want to reach the destination with you. Don't drop out on me in the middle."

"God, how is that even fair."

"Sorry."

,

,

The attacks come unexpectedly. Steve is waiting for Dr. Strange to do his preparations, whatever they are with the weird magic things, when the allotted days are not quite up and the tower is under attack. He runs through the falling rubble with his heart in his throat.

Tony, Tony, Tony.

The Doctor looks at him meaningfully as he transports them away into a place that is all white and nothingness. "It's premature," he says, harried, "but we'll have to try."

Steve falls to his knees.

The answer is so easy, even with all the pain. Steve thinks, if he gets back together with Pepper, he will even be happy for them. Whatever it takes. If Tony can live, he can be happy to see him with Pepper again, even if she doesn't deserve him.

The Doctor is watching, but he doesn't care. He bends over Tony, ashen and lifeless in suspended animation, and it doesn't matter now. There is nothing more to hide; this is it. This is the end. He should have known sooner, admitted it sooner, than to be hit with it at the very end just to know that he had been lying to himself this whole time.

"I love you," he whispers, and a tear falls, and another. It's all right, because Tony isn't awake to see it, or hear it. "I love you, Tony. I love you." And there are so many things he wants to say, but in the end, they just boil down to those desperate words, the words that matter most. He wishes he could say them while Tony's awake; it doesn't matter anymore if Tony is surprised or disgusted – who's he kidding, Tony would never act that way, he's too kind for that – he just needs him to hear it. To share in the enormity of this secret that he's willing to half die for, because to him, this is life.

It doesn't matter whether it's depraved, or friendship, or brotherly love, or whatever – his heart trembles, his chest feels like something wants to claw out, and he's so happy, so happy that Tony is going to be okay. And the tears keep falling, because he knows that whatever this is, he can never have this back.

Tony's wound mends with a mesh of blue and a spear of gold that connects his heart to Steve's. Steve kneels clutching Tony's arm, speechless, because how do you say goodbye to something you only just discovered?

When he comes to, they are in Tony's half-destroyed tower. The strange doctor is gone. The medics come, they're rushed for scans, Steve insists despite raised brows that they take a look at Tony's heart.

"Oh my god," Natasha cries softly. "What, how."

He puts a hand on her shoulder and squeezes. He will miss her, he thinks. He takes his bike, and leaves for the road. He doesn't come back.

,

,

Tony wakes up to a red-eyed Natasha staring down at him, and a weary Bruce breaking into a pained sob. He reaches out a shaky hand, and Natasha grasps it like a fish out of water.

"Agent Romanoff," he rasps. "Miss me?"

With a low cry, she bows to pull him fiercely close.

One by one, the Avengers, most of SHIELD, come to see him. They hide tears. They bow their heads. They clap his shoulders. They tell him how they were wrong about him, how they are glad he's alive. He asks why no one told him that Captain America survived the ice.

The captain apparently works for SHIELD, but no one really knows much of him. Apparently he's gone on missions a lot. Tony asks around, but they look at each other, and shake their heads. Tony goes about renovating his tower, wooing Pepper – apparently they don't work together as lovers, so they quit amicably – and keeps going about saving the world. And when he hacks into the SHIELD files to snoop about defrosted icons, it turns out that the good captain is a Commander Rogers that is perpetually out on missions. No one knows him.

Life goes on.

,

,

"Good morning, sir."

A crisp Brooklyn accent fills the air, as pale blue begins to slant in through the shades. "It is October 21st, 6 am. Patchy clouds, with a high of 79 degrees Fahrenheit."

Tony rises from his bed, runs a hand through his hair. "Morning, Dummy. Coffee, Butterfingers."

"Sir."

Tony goes to the bathroom and turns on the lights. In the mirror, his hair is peppered with gray, adding an air of gravity to eyes that have brightened with age. He moves past the mirror and puts on a sharp suit. The scar is fading.

New York is well awake. He walks through the chill of daybreak with a donut box in his hand, and leaves it at the reception desk when he enters the nondescript building. The receptionist smiles at him. "Meeting ready, sir."

He strides in through the great double doors. The murmur of the crowd quiets, and the people part like a river. He nods, watches them hurry to take a seat, and he takes the center chair. His eyes land on a harried man who looks like he's frozen where he stands at the edge of the table.

"I heard your mission was a success. Congratulations and welcome back, Commander Rogers." He smiles. "Honored to meet you at last."

The man with the yellow hair moves at last. "Director Stark," he says, straightening with eyes trembling bright, and then he smiles like the sun. "The honor is mine."

,

,

 _ **The End**_


End file.
